I think about my life before Christ, how I used to live for myself and I would do good to look good and get good back.
I think about how something was always missing then, like I would find a particular interest and it would almost click but the edges wouldn’t catch and they’d just slide off the inside of my heart.
I think of how I objectified humans as blunt weapons for my secret dirty desires and planned out my next crime scene like an elaborate diorama: and all this to avoid the God who would speak to me at 3 am in the darkness when I couldn’t lie to myself about the futility of my deceit. I remember how the ceiling fan would accuse me of guilt with its every cut into the sides of my lying mouth.
I think of those moments when the veil of shallow shadow-living was lifted for a blinding second, and my reality was torn open to the idea of a Creator and how there must be more than just collecting toys to build an empire until I die. It was only a glimpse, but everything else around it would be sterile and insignificant in comparison. I remember the drawstrings of my cold protective fortress being tugged by gentle hands that plunged through my lungs, never too sharp, but just enough to know there was something else about this life that life was not telling me, that a cosmic problem existed with a solution that would click as easily as a key in butter.
I think of how even though I ran from Him — God still literally loved me to death and afflicted my selfish emptiness with a love that cost the blood of His only son.
I asked myself then, “Is it possible to miss someone you never knew about?” Because before I knew Him, I knew Him, and I dearly missed Him, if only in dreams and whispers and longings I could hardly stand to utter. I was terrified to discover that life wasn’t about me. I was scared to find my Maker — but He found me, and now I cannot go back. I don’t ever want to. I cannot imagine any other way without Him, and He does not imagine His story without me.
Nowadays there are so many apps, so many choices, so many micro decisions that we must make—it’s so easy to get lost in the world and find your voice and where you stand amongst it all. I suppose you can say that that’s what this summer was about for me. Finding my voice. Where my aspirations are mine and mine alone only.
the guys at chefsteps
if i wasnt taken.
marry me pls
<3 _ <3
i kid i kid i think i lost my mind. getting the order of it all wrong.
flashers + strippers make money. money goes toward dream kitchen. with fully stocked espresso bar.
sous vide cooker
chefsteps stop torturing me so OTL
“She’s right. It’s just that most really good-looking people are stupid, so I exceed expectations.”
“Right, it’s primarily his hotness,” I said.
“It can be sort of blinding,” he said.
“It actually did blind our friend Isaac,” I said.
“Terrible tragedy, that. But can I help my own deadly beauty?”
“It is my burden, this beautiful face.”
“Not to mention your body.”
“Seriously, don’t even get me started on my hot bod. You don’t want to see me naked, Dave. Seeing me naked actually took Hazel Grace’s
breath away,” he said, nodding toward the oxygen tank.
2:26 am is the wrong time to get urges to watch reply 1997 T^T
cheat sheet be done.
all my pilot .38 g2s are running out of ink. it really is the end of the year….
because i’m shameless and still wholeheartedly love kpop. maybe. wait did i just say that? o-O
it’s nearly 4 am and im sitting here mindlessly scrolling through tumblr has my life really come to this i havent done this in 5evar. slightly a waste of time… i used to spend a good half of my high school years doing it too…. ;-;